The thing about competitions..

I have been in this world called CrossFit for about 7 months now (time flies!) and it is my final goal to do competitions. I mean, I am realistic enough to know that I will never ever EVER make it to the games, but qualifying for the Lowlands Throwdown would be totally awesome.

This years Lowlands Throwdown was way too early for me, so I didn’t even do the qualifier. I did do the qualifier for the Amsterdam Throwdown, which was pretty interesting. I was having second thoughts about signing up for the qualifier, but when I won a free ticket to do the qualifier, there was no turning back. My training was going pretty okay, I was super motivated and made some progression. When the moment came to do the qualifiers for the Amsterdam Throwdown, my shoulder started to mess things up. ‘No more lifting overhead for the next weeks’, was the advice of the physiotherapist. ‘But uh… the qualifier contains Thrusters, pull ups and handstand push ups. How do I manage that?’ ‘Well.. you don’t, better luck next time.’

F*ck.. I was pretty upset about this and ignorant as I was, I didn’t completely stop training my shoulders. I made some adjustments, but I still did things like deadlifts, handstand push ups, power cleans. And instead of making it better, I only made it worse.

After about 4 weeks there was still no improvement, so I decided to really take some days rest and get shockwave therapy. In the mean time, the clock was ticking to do the qualifiers for the Amsterdam Throwdown. So somewhere in between, I did the workout with the pull ups which was a stupid idea. I did the thruster, which was a stupid idea. And well.. the WOD with the box jumps, burpees and double unders was pretty okay. I got into a fight with myself almost every day and I was constantly struggling between ‘I want my shoulder to be okay’ and ‘I want to do this qualifier’. Pretty interesting to see what things like competitions actually do with your mind. I knew the best thing to do was to take rest, but I just couldn’t. I also couldn’t give 100%, so every single training I felt like failing. And trying it anyway only made my recovery take longer, which made be feel sad and I got caught in this circle of frustration and letting myself down. On top of that, I am an emotional eater. Whenever I feel bad, I want to eat bad things because I ‘need’ it. So, there is this girl who wants to train but shouldn’t, who wants to get leaner but eats because of the frustration and who wants to compete but isn’t ready..especially in this entire situation. Letting yourself down every single day is exhausting and it can easily become something you get caught in.

Luckily, I found my way out and it all started with accepting the fact that I couldn’t give a 100% during this qualifier. I did what I could, and I knew it wasn’t good enough but I was okay with it. I have no intention to quit, so there will a lot of competitions and opportunities to take a shot at. I ended up being 64th on the qualifier of the Amsterdam Throwdown. And at first I was like ‘shit.. that is disappointing’, but now I know where I am at. I know that I couldn’t give a 100% and even if I could it would probably not have been good enough. But that is okay, because now I know how much I need to improve and this only motivates me more. My shoulder is almost okay, so I am still taking it a bit slow, but when my body is ready again I am going to kick my own ass!! I have goals.. So i’d better work my ass off to get where I want to be!

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Tights and top from: Northern Spirit

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