I screwed up anyway…

The mind is a weird thing. I often don’t get my own mind, I wonder how other people feel about me :’) I have this thing about food that just keeps hunting me down. I don’t know why and how, because I KNOW it is stupid, but somehow it keeps happening to me and I think I am not the only one…

So, there is this thing called ‘being fit’. I would love to be fit. Fit, not skinny, to me there is a difference. But becoming fit, means that you will have to make certain choices when it comes to eating. Eat with your goals in mind, not with desire in mind. And usually it goes pretty well and I can manage my all-time cravings. But when I do mess up, I miss up BIG TIME! When I let go of the brakes, my car doesn’t just roll forwards a few meters. No.. it just falls down a steep cliff, crashes on the bottom leaving nothing behind but shattered pieces everywhere.

Like yesterday. I am an emotional eater. I know that when I am not really happy with myself, all I want to do is eat because ‘I deserve that’, What?! No, I deserve to be happy. Food makes me happy for a short amount of time, but it makes me feel bad for a much longer time. And yet, there I went yesterday. I had a pizza for lunch, a hamburger with cheddar cheese, bacon and sauce for dinner and Ben & Jerry’s for dessert ‘because I screwed up anyway’. You see, there is no in between when it comes to these kind of things. Either I have got full control, or I got no control at all. I know that you don’t get fat from eating 1 pizza. But that state of mind where you think that you can eat all you want because you screwed up anyway, that’s the state of mind that keeps you from getting where you want to be. That’s the wall you run into while trying to achieve your goals. And that wall is pretty hard, but yet not hard enough to keep me from making the same mistake over and over again.

So maybe writing it down helps. Or maybe I should just except the fact that these things happen and move on. There is nothing I can do about it now anyway. So I will hop on my goal-train again and next time I fall off, I will try to fall with a bit less drama 😉 I will just gently swing myself back up again. Don’t let these things flip you upside down. Leave the flipping upside down part for in the box 😉

Shorts and top from Northern Spirit



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